I'll wish you a happy new year but I don't want you feeling obliged.

I'm mostly posting because yesterday I was utterly convinced I was never going to post again and that I could never speak to anyone or leave the house or answer the 'phone or sleep or eat, and today I don't really feel that way at all, so I thought I'd better take advantage of the clear spell. Yesterday was awful but today is much better. I don't know why. These are some of the things I did yesterday, which was the day my parents went home and said 'Probably see you again in May':

( They are not wholly cheery things. )

So I don't know. Maybe the comedy cured me. I'm aware that not a single circumstance changed overnight but the things about which I feel ghastly are sort of walled-off today so I don't really have to look at them. Whatever the reason I feel a bit of a fraud. I spend half my time writing gloomy LJ entries (I might make a resolution about that) and shutting my brain down so I don't have to think about stuff and the rest of it passing as totally functional and saying 'Fine, thanks' to everyone. I think it's the functional half of me that's letting the rest of me down: if I'm capable some of the time I don't really have an excuse for the rest of the time. Or I'm inhabiting a character I've no business inhabiting. Or something. I feel okay right now. That's the point. I might stop feeling okay ANY TIME SOON, which will be a shame, but I thought it'd be nice to air the okay version for a change.

In other news, it's new year's eve. I made mince pies with leftovers. Leftover mincemeat and filo pastry, not random leftovers like beans and tuna. I'm not a fan of new year's eve, which is probably why I'm not bothering to give it capital letters, but at least I'm several years past the age where I felt like I ought to join in the celebrations. Nowadays I'm fine with the whole staying indoors and griping about the noise thing. And working on my sock. I'm worried about shaping the toe, but the heel worked well enough. Tomorrow I'm going to take the Christmas decorations down. I know technically I'm allowed to leave them up till the sixth but I never quite see the point in that. As an atheist.

I'll wish you a happy new year but I don't want you feeling obliged.

I'm mostly posting because yesterday I was utterly convinced I was never going to post again and that I could never speak to anyone or leave the house or answer the 'phone or sleep or eat, and today I don't really feel that way at all, so I thought I'd better take advantage of the clear spell. Yesterday was awful but today is much better. I don't know why. These are some of the things I did yesterday, which was the day my parents went home and said 'Probably see you again in May':

( They are not wholly cheery things. )

So I don't know. Maybe the comedy cured me. I'm aware that not a single circumstance changed overnight but the things about which I feel ghastly are sort of walled-off today so I don't really have to look at them. Whatever the reason I feel a bit of a fraud. I spend half my time writing gloomy LJ entries (I might make a resolution about that) and shutting my brain down so I don't have to think about stuff and the rest of it passing as totally functional and saying 'Fine, thanks' to everyone. I think it's the functional half of me that's letting the rest of me down: if I'm capable some of the time I don't really have an excuse for the rest of the time. Or I'm inhabiting a character I've no business inhabiting. Or something. I feel okay right now. That's the point. I might stop feeling okay ANY TIME SOON, which will be a shame, but I thought it'd be nice to air the okay version for a change.

In other news, it's new year's eve. I made mince pies with leftovers. Leftover mincemeat and filo pastry, not random leftovers like beans and tuna. I'm not a fan of new year's eve, which is probably why I'm not bothering to give it capital letters, but at least I'm several years past the age where I felt like I ought to join in the celebrations. Nowadays I'm fine with the whole staying indoors and griping about the noise thing. And working on my sock. I'm worried about shaping the toe, but the heel worked well enough. Tomorrow I'm going to take the Christmas decorations down. I know technically I'm allowed to leave them up till the sixth but I never quite see the point in that. As an atheist.