The giant green envy beast has randomly implanted himself in my doorway.

There is a sense of vague disturbance at the realisation that the true answer to my friend's query about when I last did any writing is 'the day before you showed me that astonishing short story that you'd written and that I know I can never, ever improve upon'. The answer I gave him was 'three weeks ago'. Possibly he can work it out for himself.

And you do know that I've looked at all your archives to discover your fantastic A-level results and university offers, don't you? And then my gallbladder burst.

My gallbladder is actually fine. Thank you.

The giant green envy beast has randomly implanted himself in my doorway.

There is a sense of vague disturbance at the realisation that the true answer to my friend's query about when I last did any writing is 'the day before you showed me that astonishing short story that you'd written and that I know I can never, ever improve upon'. The answer I gave him was 'three weeks ago'. Possibly he can work it out for himself.

And you do know that I've looked at all your archives to discover your fantastic A-level results and university offers, don't you? And then my gallbladder burst.

My gallbladder is actually fine. Thank you.

Peagloss.

Safeword? Pet name? Euphemism?

(HIGNFY. It must look so unsensible to anyone who hasn't seen it that I don't think I can deem it a spoiler.)

Peagloss.

Safeword? Pet name? Euphemism?

(HIGNFY. It must look so unsensible to anyone who hasn't seen it that I don't think I can deem it a spoiler.)