Don't do anything anthropoidal.

[whatho]

I saw an advert for vodka. A billboard advert. It made less sense than anything I ever saw. It was a naked man asleep in a tiled room, on a bed of straw, with a gorilla. He looked really happy. I couldn't really make out the words because I was squinting too hard with confusion, but I think they said something about quality over quantity.

This is what I'm assuming the advert was saying: if you drink this vodka before going to bed, you'll have the most comfortable night's sleep you can imagine. As represented by being naked on a pile of straw, in a seventies bathroom, with a mountain gorilla.

Now, I don't mind gorillas, as it goes. I know that's running very much against my general anti-anthropoid philosophy, but as it goes I do quite like gorillas, and also orangutans. It's monkeys I can't bear. Monkeys and chimpanzees. And baboons. OH GOD BABOONS. Sometimes I think I ought to review my use of capitals because anyone glancing over this post is going to assume it's less about my analysing advertising trends than it is about my going a bit insane. BUT. For all that I don't mind gorillas, I don't think that the pinnacle of comfortable sleep revolves very much around them. Or bathrooms. Or straw. Or in any sense vodka.

And who decided straw was a comfortable thing to sleep on anyway? Straw is pointy and has beings in its depths. Only horses like sleeping on straw. Was this advert written by horses?

Comments

[peeeeeeet.livejournal.com]

I think the idea behind the advert is that if you drink OTHER vodka, you may get MORE for your money, but it will - metaphorically - be like sleeping with a gorilla instead of a pretty young lady. Therefore you should drink THEIR vodka, because despite it being PRICEY, drinking it is akin to obtaining a beautiful joy partner. The fellow looks happy because he has not yet awoken and realised the ENORMITY of the CONSEQUENCES of his DECISIONS of the previous evening.

I could be WRONG.

[whatho.livejournal.com]

OH. I didn't get that AT ALL. Probably you noticed. Well, it still doesn't work because, unpleasant though it would be to wake up with a gorilla, it's got to be better than waking up with a person. I'm guessing. At least gorillas have fur.

[peeeeeeet.livejournal.com]

What if the PERSON were John Sergeant?

[whatho.livejournal.com]

Are you suggesting that John Sergeant lacks bare skin? I don't want to wake up next to John Sergeant, no. He keeps getting followed by reporters. I don't want to be implicated.